I Got Breakup Bangs, and They Fixed More Than My Hair

When my long-term relationship came to an end, I took a drastic measure to accelerate my healing journey. It wasn’t a rebound relationship or an Eat, Pray, Love trip—it was a haircut. Specifically, bangs.

I had considered this controversial hair change long before the breakup. But everyone I consulted—friends, acquaintances, even random strangers—scrunched up their noses and cautioned me not to. I would eventually regret it, they insisted, citing the upkeep, the awkward growing-out process, or the hassle of daily styling.

A year ago, I went so far as to make a salon appointment, intent on ignoring everyone else’s opinions and getting bangs anyway. However, when I arrived, a persuasive and opinionated hairdresser talked me out of it, so I walked out of the salon completely fringe-free.

Things changed after my relationship ended, prompting me to throw caution to the wind.

After trying and failing to channel my post-separation devastation into training for a half-marathon, I took a more extreme step: I made an appointment for a haircut. Hey, I just lost the person I thought I would spend the rest of my life with; what else did I have to lose?

This may sound like a minor change, especially to those who frequently switch up their hair. But for someone who hasn’t changed her hair since high school, this was huge.

I headed to a salon that offered a $45 wash, cut, and blowout combo—a deal that sounded like a mirage to a New York transplant who regularly encounters $10 matcha lattes.

Armed with Pinterest reference photos of myriad fringed brunettes with feathered bangs and long, flowy hair, my (new) hairdresser expertly brought my vision to life. She gave me the wispy bangs of my dreams.

Even with my excitement, my depression crept back ahead of my birthday party that evening. It was impossible not to grieve the life I thought I would have—a future that once seemed so certain. Then, my guests started to arrive.

My heart got a little lighter with the arrival of each beloved friend. I had kept everyone in the dark about my hair transformation, so every new guest brought a different reaction. I hate to admit it, but their beaming faces and gushing compliments were exactly what I needed.

The haircut was an unexpectedly effective tonic. I didn’t need a major metamorphosis to catapult my healing forward—I just needed a little trim.

It also helped curb my search for answers. My bangs couldn’t tell me why the relationship ended, or stop me from obsessively analyzing every conversation we’d ever had, but they helped me regain a sense of control I’d lost in the breakup.

Where once there seemed to be no end to the pain, I now see a way forward—one step closer to a version of myself that no longer mourns the past, whose happiness far outweighs her sadness.

I’ve chosen to look this way and feel great about it. And even if the bangs had turned out horrible, that would have been my mistake to make. By making a move solely for myself, however slight, my sense of autonomy returned.

It’s also the first time I’ve felt confident in my appearance. Breakups shake you, making you feel small and ugly and unloved. But getting stopped in public three times (in one night!) so people could say I reminded them of Odessa A’zion, Daisy Edgar-Jones, and Dakota Johnson really helped. I may not see what they see, but I am nevertheless deeply flattered—and flattery is pretty great after an agonizing split.

I could have kept listening to other people’s opinions. Fortunately, I am stubborn, and I couldn’t be happier with my decision to ignore their warnings. So if you’re thinking about it, do it. Get those breakup bangs.