I Hid My Gray Hair for Decades—Here’s How I Finally Stopped

For some, the first time they dye their hair, a seal is broken. Just like that, they become lifelong members of a club, forever practicing a diligent salon routine of root touch-ups and foils. On the other end of the spectrum are those who wouldn’t dream of touching their hair—not now, not ever. For Amelia Cerbelli, the path wasn’t so straight and narrow.

For most of us, our hair color changes as we age. Gradually, we start to spot strands of silver and white. These sporadic cameos gradually evolve into leading characters. This process is a natural part of life, but so too is the desire to maintain the appearance of your younger self, particularly in a job market that often values youth over experience.

Amelia spoke to The Looker about the many years she spent dyeing her hair, going back and forth between the salon and DIY hair-color kits, and what finally convinced her to embrace her grays once and for all.

The Root of the Issue

When I turned 23, my hair started to turn gray. So, also at age 23, I began coloring my hair.

Initially, I would focus on coloring my roots, as I had dark-brown hair that appeared almost black. I started covering my hair religiously every month, concealing the emerging grays. I continued this process for decades.

Nine years ago, after I turned 55, my mother asked a simple question: “Why don’t you let your hair go gray?”

“No, maybe when I retire I’ll do that,” I told her. I was still working in corporate America. It didn’t make sense to stop.

The Turning Point

I kept up my hair-dye habit through multiple methods. There were times when I’d go to a salon; it was much less expensive back then. Other times, I’d buy hair color at CVS and do it myself to save money.

As I got older, salon prices climbed. It became very, very expensive to get my hair colored regularly by a professional—services I once paid $30–$40 for are now priced at $140 or higher. Around 2012, I switched to an almost entirely at-home hair-coloring regimen, though I still went to the salon on occasion.

The cost was frustrating, but the turning point for me came in 2016, when my mother became very ill. I had no spare time. I was with my mom, taking care of her, for almost four months until she passed.

After she passed, I thought, “Enough of this nonsense, I’m going to allow my hair to be natural.”

My mother didn’t believe in coloring one’s hair because it wasn’t natural or healthy for the body. She worried about what the chemicals could do to your body or brain. (She was very superstitious and old-fashioned.) I said to myself, “OK, Ma, I’m going to do this for you,” and I did just that.

The Response From Others

I’m at a point now where I’m almost 100% gray, but some sections are truly silver-white. It’s almost like an ombre color, the kind that people go to salons to get done. It almost appears artificially lightened; sometimes people even ask me if I get white highlights.

I work part-time right now. Some women, and even some men, come up to me at work and ask me if I purposefully dye my hair to look this white. When I tell them, “No, this is the natural way it comes in,” they are often amazed.

Some people were shocked because they felt that if I maintained my darker hair color, I would look way younger. Other people were shocked that they liked it. It was a broad spectrum of reactions, with some hating it and others loving it.

My husband liked my dark hair when it was dyed, but he was supportive either way. He told me, “Honey, if you want to go for it, go for it.”

While growing it out, there were moments when I was like, “This is taking forever.” I was very tempted to go back to coloring. However, my hair has also grown healthier, thanks to the break in coloring processes. There’s a nice sheen to it now.

There are other moments I think about going back to dyeing it, but those are very fleeting, because I look at being retired now, and the cost. My friend told me she went and got her hair done and colored, spending over $200. I just can’t see putting that money toward dyeing my hair anymore.

Still, I purchase quality haircare products to keep it healthy. But I’m not a very, very vain person, so the more natural I am, the more I like that.

Advice to Gray Skeptics and Silver Scaredy Cats

I wish people knew that your gray hair doesn’t represent who you really are. You can embrace your gray; it shows you’ve gained wisdom over the years. Your hair color does not define who you are.

All the time, I see women in their eighties and nineties who dye their hair. Hey, if that makes you feel good, then more power to you. I respect people who still want to do that.

I’ve met a couple of other women who are now letting their hair go gray and embracing it. They love how my hair is and will often ask me how long it took to get to this point. I share my experiences with them, but, of course, your process will depend on how fast your hair grows. For me, even though it took three years, the time went by pretty quickly.

I’d also say, don’t be afraid if you want to go gray. Give it a try. Embrace it (if you want to). After a trial period, if you’re not happy with your newfound gray, you can always make your way back to the salon chair.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.